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Thursday thursday
Jun. 4th, 2009 07:40 pmMy friends did stop by today, which I wasn't expecting. I still had some time to study though, but I had a hard time concentrating. The material I'm reading is very dry.. mostly stuff about the methodology of social, statistical research. I read about 1 and a half chapters out of the 2 I need to read... and I doubt I can go on at the moment.
Ah.. I find myself thinking about the past... how I used to be happier instead of serious. Ever since the disastrous end to my last relationship, I've been unconsciously killing that "happy" part of myself. I found these old journal entries that I used to write.. and it just seems so different from who I am now. They were filled with "^_^" and writings about dreams, love, and possibilites. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I was still that "happy" person I used to be.
But now I'm more serious.. and I'm a lot more critical about things. Is this a good thing, I wonder?
Maybe it is.
What bothers me is that it's harder for me to open up to people now too. I used to be able to talk to anyone if something interested me. For example, if I saw someone write something on a forum that caught my eye, I would make an account on the forum just to respond. Now, even when I have something I really want to say... I just don't say anything. I'm just a silent observer. It frustrates me that I can't be as open or friendly as I once was, at least not online. I'm always holding something back.
Communicating with people just seems harder now.
LJ is my last link to my unsaid thoughts. Without this place, I don't really know what I'd do.
Ah.. I find myself thinking about the past... how I used to be happier instead of serious. Ever since the disastrous end to my last relationship, I've been unconsciously killing that "happy" part of myself. I found these old journal entries that I used to write.. and it just seems so different from who I am now. They were filled with "^_^" and writings about dreams, love, and possibilites. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I was still that "happy" person I used to be.
But now I'm more serious.. and I'm a lot more critical about things. Is this a good thing, I wonder?
Maybe it is.
What bothers me is that it's harder for me to open up to people now too. I used to be able to talk to anyone if something interested me. For example, if I saw someone write something on a forum that caught my eye, I would make an account on the forum just to respond. Now, even when I have something I really want to say... I just don't say anything. I'm just a silent observer. It frustrates me that I can't be as open or friendly as I once was, at least not online. I'm always holding something back.
Communicating with people just seems harder now.
LJ is my last link to my unsaid thoughts. Without this place, I don't really know what I'd do.
