![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Sep. 11th, 2007 09:55 pmIs it an omen? I found a dead moth lying on my pillow. It must've flown in from outside my window. Seeing the moth there suddenly made my room feel alien and lonely.
Another night...
I don't feel like my days are fulfilling. I go to sleep and I feel anxious. It's like the feeling you get when you go to bed knowing you still have homework to finish up.. However, in my case, you don't know exactly what it is that you need to finish. You just go to sleep, anxious about something, not knowing what it is.
Being at home is having an adverse affect on me. I feel more tired than I usually do. I'm understimulated. Sigh, what's wrong with me lately?
The thing that's changed about me is that I've allowed myself to become angry. I don't let the anger control me completely, but I allow myself to voice my opinion if I see something isn't right.
-----------------------
Los Angeles is a prison made of iron, concrete, and steel.. there's no field or forest I can escape to. I've gotten used to the somewhat country feel of Pomona that Los Angeles suffocates me. Even in Pomona, I find myself longing for a deeper wilderness which I can explore and get lost in.
-----------------------
I guess I've found a really cool image of what I'd like to be.. idealistically. In that image, I see that I'm determined, angry, and I'm fighting for what I believe in. My eyes are focused, and I know what I want. I'm beaten up badly, my clothes are torn and my body bruised... but I'm still walking forward. I have a sword in my hand ready to strike down whatever I'm against. It's hard to believe it's me in that picture.
Right now I feel I don't deserve that image. I still don't know what I'm fighting for or what I believe in. I tend to take the middle path because I tend to see both sides to the story. In those cases, it makes my argument a bit weak, doesn't it? Then again, who is to say that the middle path isn't it's own righteous argument?
I wonder if I could ever be so cool.
Another night...
I don't feel like my days are fulfilling. I go to sleep and I feel anxious. It's like the feeling you get when you go to bed knowing you still have homework to finish up.. However, in my case, you don't know exactly what it is that you need to finish. You just go to sleep, anxious about something, not knowing what it is.
Being at home is having an adverse affect on me. I feel more tired than I usually do. I'm understimulated. Sigh, what's wrong with me lately?
The thing that's changed about me is that I've allowed myself to become angry. I don't let the anger control me completely, but I allow myself to voice my opinion if I see something isn't right.
-----------------------
Los Angeles is a prison made of iron, concrete, and steel.. there's no field or forest I can escape to. I've gotten used to the somewhat country feel of Pomona that Los Angeles suffocates me. Even in Pomona, I find myself longing for a deeper wilderness which I can explore and get lost in.
-----------------------
I guess I've found a really cool image of what I'd like to be.. idealistically. In that image, I see that I'm determined, angry, and I'm fighting for what I believe in. My eyes are focused, and I know what I want. I'm beaten up badly, my clothes are torn and my body bruised... but I'm still walking forward. I have a sword in my hand ready to strike down whatever I'm against. It's hard to believe it's me in that picture.
Right now I feel I don't deserve that image. I still don't know what I'm fighting for or what I believe in. I tend to take the middle path because I tend to see both sides to the story. In those cases, it makes my argument a bit weak, doesn't it? Then again, who is to say that the middle path isn't it's own righteous argument?
I wonder if I could ever be so cool.
