I hate how my thoughts go in circles. As if nothing new comes to mind.
I've realized that it's only at nights that I feel lonely. During the day, I'm fine. It's also the reason why I feel so unfufilled when I go to bed. I miss the days when I would chat with friends into the wee hours of the night. Those days in high school were the best years of my life so far. I have friends now, but they're not the type which you could have deep conversations wth.
I guess that's one of my problems. I'm holding all my ideas inside of myself, never to be discussed with anyone else. What makes it worse is that I fear it's nothing interesting... that it's nothing worth saying.
That's why I'm avoiding people. If I have nothing anybody wants to hear, why say anything at all? That shows how much self-esteem I have, ne? I think the idea's so ingrained in myself that it's not a matter of self-esteem anymore. It's just who I am.
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I don't think I'll return to ballroom dancing. The more I think about it, I feel it doesn't fit me. For that brief year though, I enjoyed it. I feel like I might let a few of my friends on the company down when I tell them I'm quitting, but my heart's really not in it anymore.
My current favorite song from Juli..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hXLbNKeQ3k-----------------------
The past always seems to haunt me..
While the future promises nothing..
The only thing I can do now is keep moving..
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Argh, my LJ is full of thoughts like these. What else can I really talk about besides my state of mind? It makes me annoyed that this is all I can talk about. I'm at my best when I'm discovering something new... but nothing really new lately. Boo.. how annoying.