A quiet birthday

People have been wishing me happy birthday on my phone throughout the day, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm spending my day alone. I wouldn't say it's lonely, and I've long stopped expecting things to happen on my birthday. I guess what saddens me is the thought that I've come to consider my birthday as just another day. It's like I've grown cynical, or I've just stopped caring, and I hate that about myself. But people remind me that it's supposed to be a special day.

A part of me wants to be happy, but is scared of seeking it out. Because I'm scared of losing that happiness if I ever find it.

"You should do something nice for yourself today."

And I sit here and wonder that something nice is.