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I'll be attending the first university information session tomorrow. This is technically my first direct involvement in getting back to school. I'm feeling a bit nervous, although I suppose I have absolutely no reason to be for this event. There's just a nagging thought in the back of my mind telling me that I won't be able to get into the school because my grades are all over the place, and my GPA isn't as high as I'd like it to be. I really hate that I got depressed during those critical moments in my college life, but it seems like I can't do anything about that now. I've been hiding the fact that I got depressed from my family, because I don't want to worry them. I also didn't want to use my depression as an excuse, but it really was the cause of everything bad that's happened. It came to the point where I was about to be evicted from my apartment, and it was only then that I knew I couldn't keep living the way that I did.
It was a real struggle for me to recover from all that. I hid the fact that I was depressed from everyone, so I had no one to turn to. During that time, I pretended to go to class so my friends would think nothing was wrong. Instead of going to class though, I went into secluded areas where I could just cry by myself. I thought it was shameful to be feel the way I did. I knew what the rest of the world would say if I told them... "Geez, you're such a baby," or.. "Just get over it. We all have problems." Because of that, I just shut myself up. There was no use in talking to anyone.. at least, that's how I felt at the time.
The fact is that I'm still feeling the detrimental effects of that depression, such as my inconsistent grades for one thing. A bad GPA can haunt you forever, and applying for university right now is like me having to face my past once again. I already moved on from that, but it still bites me in the ass if it can. I have a hard time accepting that I let it eat me up and waste such a big part of my life. How could I have given in like that? Ever since then, I promised myself to never give in to despair again because it's just too hard to make up for regrets and lost time. There's also the fact that my family and friends don't know a thing about my depression, so I have no way of explaining why I'm having such a hard time in my life right now.
I wish I could just bury that part of my life away and forget about it.
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My grandmother responded well to the first initial chemotherapy, but several days later, she bled profusely and passed out, needing an ambulance to take her to the hospital emergency room. This caused a bit of panic in my family, and it caused my aunt to go pale when she heard about it. My aunt is back in Los Angeles now to watch over my grandmother though, so I'm left here alone for another week so I can go to this university information session.
It was a real struggle for me to recover from all that. I hid the fact that I was depressed from everyone, so I had no one to turn to. During that time, I pretended to go to class so my friends would think nothing was wrong. Instead of going to class though, I went into secluded areas where I could just cry by myself. I thought it was shameful to be feel the way I did. I knew what the rest of the world would say if I told them... "Geez, you're such a baby," or.. "Just get over it. We all have problems." Because of that, I just shut myself up. There was no use in talking to anyone.. at least, that's how I felt at the time.
The fact is that I'm still feeling the detrimental effects of that depression, such as my inconsistent grades for one thing. A bad GPA can haunt you forever, and applying for university right now is like me having to face my past once again. I already moved on from that, but it still bites me in the ass if it can. I have a hard time accepting that I let it eat me up and waste such a big part of my life. How could I have given in like that? Ever since then, I promised myself to never give in to despair again because it's just too hard to make up for regrets and lost time. There's also the fact that my family and friends don't know a thing about my depression, so I have no way of explaining why I'm having such a hard time in my life right now.
I wish I could just bury that part of my life away and forget about it.
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My grandmother responded well to the first initial chemotherapy, but several days later, she bled profusely and passed out, needing an ambulance to take her to the hospital emergency room. This caused a bit of panic in my family, and it caused my aunt to go pale when she heard about it. My aunt is back in Los Angeles now to watch over my grandmother though, so I'm left here alone for another week so I can go to this university information session.
