Scary days

My grandmother doesn't seem to be doing any better. Yesterday, her nose started to bleed and the blood was gushing out non-stop, according to my mom. Today they couldn't begin the radiation treatment either because the doctor felt she would be too weak to handle it. Apparently she's already lost 12 pounds since January.

My aunt is planning to head back to Los Angeles this weekend on Saturday, ahead of schedule and ahead of me. She's visibly shaken up by this ordeal, and it's strange to see her like that. She's usually very strong and methodical, so it scares me even more when I see her perturbed by what's going on. I'll have to stay here in New York for another week unfortunately, because I have a university information session I have to attend on Tuesday. I'd skip the session in a second if it were up to me, but my family wouldn't let me live it down if I did.

Sigh. I know it's another selfish wish of mine, but I don't want my grandmother to go just yet.  It's just so hard for me to grasp the concept of her being gone from my life. I'm really going to miss her. I know she's not gone yet and there's a small chance she'll recover from this, but I feel like I need to prepare myself just in case..

I'm scared.