Finding my path

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really do miss work. It gave me something concrete to build upon. I've been on a really long hiatus from my job now, and it's given me a lot of time to explore other options. My family is pushing me to continue on to grad school to ensure my future, but I can't seem to convey to them that education nowadays does not guarantee an automatic successful job. I wish I could explain this fact, to tell them that it's not like it was when they grew up, where getting into college usually meant you were set for life. They just don't understand. You need a lot more than that these days, in particular, passion for the field, and consistency.. both of which I have none for in psychology. I'm interested in its topic, and I'm fascinated by its current studies and research... but passionate about it? Nu uh. I got into it for several reasons, but one of the things that propelled me towards it was the fact that I might be able to help people while doing something I'm good at. I realize now that what I'm really passionate about is being able to help people. Even at my current job, I'm not motivated by money or even by their praise, but by the fact that I'm able to help my employer by doing what I do.

You would think helping people is a very simple thing to accomplish.. but it can get more complicated than that, especially when dealing with people in psychological affairs. On a material level, it's easier to manage since you can offer concrete things like food, water, medicine, or shelter. However, when you start to enter into the psychological level, it starts to get tricky (not to say that the material level isn't tricky in itself). There are different complications.. and there are different schools of thought on how to approach things. Majoring in psychology taught me these things, but even then, I still feel so extremely limited in my ability to help others. Hm.. especially now since I've become very timid and shy from my former self. I have a tendency to keep to myself instead of reaching out to others. I have a tendency to feel like I might be burdening someone, or I that I might be forcing myself or my ideas in when I'm not welcome. I hate to impose on other people, and I always keep this in mind when dealing with others. I feel this way because I've had bad experiences when people imposed on me, telling me what I should be or what I should do. I hated that, and I would hate to do the same thing to another person.

But again.. if I don't reach out to others or be more honest with myself, how I can discover anything?

I may be getting closer to figuring out what I want in concrete terms. I think I'd like to get more involved in humanitarian efforts somehow, and not only into psychological counseling like I had originally planned. I just wish my family wasn't forcing me to go to grad school yet, now that I'm FINALLY starting to be honest with myself, and realizing these things in my life. Each day I find a little bit more courage to pull myself further out of my shell, and I hope one day I can finally take the leap that I've been wanting to make.