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A conversation with a friend
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:34 am"These days, girls just want to be intrigued by what looks good. Just look at how vampires have become sex symbols, and how pretty boys are all the rage these days." I thought about this before replying back to him. "Well, you can't just single out girls. Guys have been notoriously known to focus on looks too. And besides, hasn't this focus on physical beauty been going on throughout time in every culture?" He responded back aggravatingly, "Yea yea, I know all that. I'm not dismissing any of that. My point is that there's a trend with girls to go after more feminine physical features these days." He then began to name several actors throughout the ages to show how drastic the shift was. Most of those names were lost on me. I tried to rationalize back to him. "Well.. that's just the social face of the media. Who is to say that regular girls always go for pretty boys?"
His response to my question took me slightly by surprise, because there was bitterness in his voice. "You and I both know girls don't go for guys like us." I realized this just wasn't about pretty boys or physical beauty. In his own way, he was asking me... "Why don't girls like me? Why can't I get a girlfriend" I stayed quiet for a while before answering him. "Don't worry about things like that. You wouldn't want to be with a girl who judges you solely on superficial things, right?" He responded back, "But how will girls get to know me when they don't even consider me an option?" It was a valid concern, but still... I sighed. At that point, I knew he was in a state of self-pity. Nothing I could say could make him feel any better about himself, short of giving him the thing he wanted.
Self-pity usually tests my patience. "Oh woe is me, why do I have to suffer so much?" I know I shouldn't judge anyone by this though. How was I any different back then? How am I any different now? I have no right to judge others like that. I need to stay patient in order to be more accepting and understanding.
For the rest of the conversation, I tried rationalizing with my friend, but it didn't seem to work. In the end, I tried a different route. I told him to fuck the world. It wasn't worth living without girls and love, so we might as well just die. Saying this sort of jolted him out of his self-pity, but to what extent? I don't know. After that, I told him I had to go to bed, but in truth I was just tired of the conversation.
A lot of his concerns and fears mirrored my own anxious thoughts, and talking to him was like facing a part of myself that I don't want to acknowledge. It was the part of me that used to cry every night as a child because I was so lonely. Maybe I wasn't really having a conversation with my friend, but I was really having a conversation with my old self? What a strange thought.
His response to my question took me slightly by surprise, because there was bitterness in his voice. "You and I both know girls don't go for guys like us." I realized this just wasn't about pretty boys or physical beauty. In his own way, he was asking me... "Why don't girls like me? Why can't I get a girlfriend" I stayed quiet for a while before answering him. "Don't worry about things like that. You wouldn't want to be with a girl who judges you solely on superficial things, right?" He responded back, "But how will girls get to know me when they don't even consider me an option?" It was a valid concern, but still... I sighed. At that point, I knew he was in a state of self-pity. Nothing I could say could make him feel any better about himself, short of giving him the thing he wanted.
Self-pity usually tests my patience. "Oh woe is me, why do I have to suffer so much?" I know I shouldn't judge anyone by this though. How was I any different back then? How am I any different now? I have no right to judge others like that. I need to stay patient in order to be more accepting and understanding.
For the rest of the conversation, I tried rationalizing with my friend, but it didn't seem to work. In the end, I tried a different route. I told him to fuck the world. It wasn't worth living without girls and love, so we might as well just die. Saying this sort of jolted him out of his self-pity, but to what extent? I don't know. After that, I told him I had to go to bed, but in truth I was just tired of the conversation.
A lot of his concerns and fears mirrored my own anxious thoughts, and talking to him was like facing a part of myself that I don't want to acknowledge. It was the part of me that used to cry every night as a child because I was so lonely. Maybe I wasn't really having a conversation with my friend, but I was really having a conversation with my old self? What a strange thought.
