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Another One of those Nights..
Mar. 15th, 2009 12:28 amIt's another one of those nights where I've been laying in bed, trying to sleep, all while to trying to sort out a million thoughts in my head.
My mom was telling me how my dad and her were deciding to sell our house and buy a cheaper one. Due to the economy... we don't really have much more money to keep paying for our current home that we live in. I guess this really came as a shock to me. We've discussed it before.. but now I've come to see how badly in shape we are financially. It's been bothering me all day. That's why I hate being at home. My parents always shove all these things at me to worry about...
I thought this house that I live in would always be here.. Heck, there's been so many things that I thought were stable in my life that suddenly fell apart recently. My grandfather passes away.. my best friend is leaving... and now my house that I've lived in for all my life is going to be gone....
It makes me a little scared. There's really nothing stable in life, is there? There's really nothing I can grab onto and believe in, because things are always changing... and nothing ever stays the same.
I think this is the problem with taking things one step at a time. Once I actually have nothing left to accomplish (my schoolwork is all done for this quarter), my mind starts worrying about the future. It's pretty much just a waiting period before I start the next quarter, and during that time... I have a feeling I'll be thinking about a lot of things.
I wonder how everyone else can stand it.. living in a world without stability. I sit here awake at night, wondering what's going to happen next. There's really no one out there who can tell me, is there? The more I toss and turn in bed, the more the loneliness starts to eat away at me. I can't really depend on society or the government to do anything... I can't really depend on my family and friends to always help... I can't depend on teachers and counselors to know everything....
If there's one thing I know though, I won't falter in my resolve. I'll keep going.
It's scary though. I wish I had something or someone to rely on. Or at least at the moment.. something to ease my mind.
Sigh, it's another one of those nights...
If only I can fall asleep somehow, I can get these thoughts out of my mind, at least for the moment.
My mom was telling me how my dad and her were deciding to sell our house and buy a cheaper one. Due to the economy... we don't really have much more money to keep paying for our current home that we live in. I guess this really came as a shock to me. We've discussed it before.. but now I've come to see how badly in shape we are financially. It's been bothering me all day. That's why I hate being at home. My parents always shove all these things at me to worry about...
I thought this house that I live in would always be here.. Heck, there's been so many things that I thought were stable in my life that suddenly fell apart recently. My grandfather passes away.. my best friend is leaving... and now my house that I've lived in for all my life is going to be gone....
It makes me a little scared. There's really nothing stable in life, is there? There's really nothing I can grab onto and believe in, because things are always changing... and nothing ever stays the same.
I think this is the problem with taking things one step at a time. Once I actually have nothing left to accomplish (my schoolwork is all done for this quarter), my mind starts worrying about the future. It's pretty much just a waiting period before I start the next quarter, and during that time... I have a feeling I'll be thinking about a lot of things.
I wonder how everyone else can stand it.. living in a world without stability. I sit here awake at night, wondering what's going to happen next. There's really no one out there who can tell me, is there? The more I toss and turn in bed, the more the loneliness starts to eat away at me. I can't really depend on society or the government to do anything... I can't really depend on my family and friends to always help... I can't depend on teachers and counselors to know everything....
If there's one thing I know though, I won't falter in my resolve. I'll keep going.
It's scary though. I wish I had something or someone to rely on. Or at least at the moment.. something to ease my mind.
Sigh, it's another one of those nights...
If only I can fall asleep somehow, I can get these thoughts out of my mind, at least for the moment.
