More thoughts on change in my life..

Been thinking a lot about death lately. lol, no no no! I'm not trying to be morbid or anything.. but there's a lot of questions in my mind about it.  It's the kind of stuff that can keep a person up at night.  Since my grandfather passed away.. things have been changing at the speed of light.

I guess I've realized I can't take things for granted anymore.

Losing certain people in my life puts in a bit of lonely circumstance though. With my best friend going to the navy, I can't imagine where I'm going to go now. The words "make new friends," echoes in my mind. Meeting people isn't a very hard thing to do... but meeting people I actually click with is another problem. In my classes, a lot of people like to talk to me... but I never really pursue the relationship any further than that.  I guess I don't really see much of a future with people I talk to.

Being a loner does that to me ^^; with the whole.. "I can handle things alone" mentality.
But it has its limits. I know after some of the harder things I go through in life, I'd like to fall back on the support of my friends. It's hard doing everything alone.

Today, I gave another speech which I was dreading to give. I did it on the topic of incorporating motivational techniques in the workplace, which was something I almost didn't know anything about.  It was crazy. I thought I was going to pass out.. but I pushed through, stuttering my way through most of the speech.  I'm glad it's over now.

I've been so busy lately, that when free time comes up... I have no idea what to do with it.

Once I graduate, will everything really be okay after? I have a feeling it won't. But I know tt's something I can afford to think about later. For now, I need to focus on my priorities. There will be enough time this spring break to sort out my thoughts.

But all this balance and stability...
What weird things they are!
This isn't me, is it?
What happened to the chaotic force I used to be?