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New Year, 1st Speech
Jan. 9th, 2009 09:16 amI have less of a need to write about things. ^^;
I've always liked the idea of keeping a journal though. This journal isn't something I can just throw away, I feel. Sometimes it's best to leave things alone for awhile, so when you come back, it feels new and fresh. I don't know if I'll write as frequently as I did before, but I'll come back from time to time if I get the urge to. I'll take things slower. I don't need to write down EVERYTHING I think or feel. Some things are better off unwritten.
I've finally gotten the courage to take the public speaking class I've been dreading to take. Our first speech was due on the 2nd day of class (yesterday)!! I was surprised at myself on how I managed to get through that. Minutes before I had to give my speech, my heart was pounding wildly in chest, and my legs felt weak and ready to give away. It felt like I was about to pass out at any time. x_x (I was wishing that I would). I tried imagining myself up in front giving the speech, but it didn't help calm me down at all. I also tried to calm my thoughts as I walked up to the front of the class, but it just seemed to get worse the more I tried to fix it.
As I was giving my speech, I felt a frantic rush of nervous energy. Was that good or bad? I don't know, but it wouldn't go away, and it bothered me as I was talking. Every movement I did felt charged with that energy. If I moved my arm just a bit, it felt like it would swing out of control. It also felt like my mouth was moving on its own, and way faster than it usually did when I talked. It was like I was running... and it felt like I would stumble at any time.... except in this situation, I would be stumbling over my own words. Regardless of how nervous I was, nobody seemed to notice. The class laughed at the parts I expected them to laugh at, just as if it was on cue. Everything mostly went according to plan.. except for that nervous energy. I did NOT anticipate that. It made me forget a few things I wanted to say, and it also made me do things I did not want to do. I was gesturing a lot more than I usually did, for one thing. To tell the truth, I wanted to swing my arms around wildly so it would release some of that energy, but I think that would've scared everyone in the class. The whole time, I felt like as if I would stumble on my words. Maybe I did. If I did, it didn't matter anymore. I needed to keep going.
The best feeling was at the conclusion. I finished my speech with a lingering note... "Maybe one day..." And I smiled, paused, looked at everyone, and said thank you. I swiped my notes from the podium and rushed back to my seat. Everything was done. I did it. The speech wasn't perfect the way I wanted it... but wow, I did it! All that nervous energy left my body the second I sat down. My legs felt weaker then they were when I was waiting to give the speech. It was finally over. I was happy and relaxed. I wanted my day to end on that note, but I still had a few classes left after that. Time didn't stop or anything, like I felt it would. Things just kept going. For that moment though, it felt like the world stopped just for me.
I have another speech in two weeks. Gah. I need to learn how to prepare for that surge of nervous energy. If I wasn't as prepared as I was to give the speech, I would have forgotten everything on the spot due to that.
I've always liked the idea of keeping a journal though. This journal isn't something I can just throw away, I feel. Sometimes it's best to leave things alone for awhile, so when you come back, it feels new and fresh. I don't know if I'll write as frequently as I did before, but I'll come back from time to time if I get the urge to. I'll take things slower. I don't need to write down EVERYTHING I think or feel. Some things are better off unwritten.
I've finally gotten the courage to take the public speaking class I've been dreading to take. Our first speech was due on the 2nd day of class (yesterday)!! I was surprised at myself on how I managed to get through that. Minutes before I had to give my speech, my heart was pounding wildly in chest, and my legs felt weak and ready to give away. It felt like I was about to pass out at any time. x_x (I was wishing that I would). I tried imagining myself up in front giving the speech, but it didn't help calm me down at all. I also tried to calm my thoughts as I walked up to the front of the class, but it just seemed to get worse the more I tried to fix it.
As I was giving my speech, I felt a frantic rush of nervous energy. Was that good or bad? I don't know, but it wouldn't go away, and it bothered me as I was talking. Every movement I did felt charged with that energy. If I moved my arm just a bit, it felt like it would swing out of control. It also felt like my mouth was moving on its own, and way faster than it usually did when I talked. It was like I was running... and it felt like I would stumble at any time.... except in this situation, I would be stumbling over my own words. Regardless of how nervous I was, nobody seemed to notice. The class laughed at the parts I expected them to laugh at, just as if it was on cue. Everything mostly went according to plan.. except for that nervous energy. I did NOT anticipate that. It made me forget a few things I wanted to say, and it also made me do things I did not want to do. I was gesturing a lot more than I usually did, for one thing. To tell the truth, I wanted to swing my arms around wildly so it would release some of that energy, but I think that would've scared everyone in the class. The whole time, I felt like as if I would stumble on my words. Maybe I did. If I did, it didn't matter anymore. I needed to keep going.
The best feeling was at the conclusion. I finished my speech with a lingering note... "Maybe one day..." And I smiled, paused, looked at everyone, and said thank you. I swiped my notes from the podium and rushed back to my seat. Everything was done. I did it. The speech wasn't perfect the way I wanted it... but wow, I did it! All that nervous energy left my body the second I sat down. My legs felt weaker then they were when I was waiting to give the speech. It was finally over. I was happy and relaxed. I wanted my day to end on that note, but I still had a few classes left after that. Time didn't stop or anything, like I felt it would. Things just kept going. For that moment though, it felt like the world stopped just for me.
I have another speech in two weeks. Gah. I need to learn how to prepare for that surge of nervous energy. If I wasn't as prepared as I was to give the speech, I would have forgotten everything on the spot due to that.
