![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Apr. 12th, 2008 11:36 pmIt's weird how life can feel so heavy... especially when I feel like I'm carrying the expectations of the entire world. I feel like my "second flight" has been a mess. Ever since I started this journal, my writing has been getting progressively worse, and my life has been getting lonelier than before. A big problem about this journal is that whenever I write in it, I always have the tendency to write about the negative thoughts.. and I feel bad posting it afterwards.
--------------------
I'm actually getting really good grades since I've switched majors to Psychology. When I was depressed, I stopped going to a lot of my classes... resulting in my multiple failures. What a waste of money and time that was, wasn't it? It's part of the reason that I'm in college for so long. I never told my parents about it... I just told them I changed majors and that I would have to take more classes because the old ones I took didn't count. Being in a relationship really screwed me up, didn't it? But I'm doing a lot better now... so that's something I'm okay with.
---------------------------
I also feel like I don't get a lot of support. My friends are always trying to talk about themselves over me. They don't do it directly, they do it a more subtle way...
Me : "Ugh.. I just had a horrible day.."
Friend : "Dude, MY day was worse. My teacher failed me on my test, gave me 100 pages of homework to read, and I have a paper due tomorrow.." Then they go on and on about it.
Sometimes, I just want a little acknowledgment.. like "Hey, that sucks.. hope things get better for you." That might be too much to ask though. It's impossible to control people. I guess that's part of my frustration and bitterness. A lot of times I think, "People don't care about you. They just want to use you to get what they want. It's better to be alone.." Is it really better to be alone though? After many nights by myself, I find that I do miss companionship.
----------------
^_^; But oh well. For now, I can get by. I'm getting a bit tired of my feelings, and sometimes I wish I could throw them away. As long as I can laugh at myself, I'll be fine.
--------------------
I'm actually getting really good grades since I've switched majors to Psychology. When I was depressed, I stopped going to a lot of my classes... resulting in my multiple failures. What a waste of money and time that was, wasn't it? It's part of the reason that I'm in college for so long. I never told my parents about it... I just told them I changed majors and that I would have to take more classes because the old ones I took didn't count. Being in a relationship really screwed me up, didn't it? But I'm doing a lot better now... so that's something I'm okay with.
---------------------------
I also feel like I don't get a lot of support. My friends are always trying to talk about themselves over me. They don't do it directly, they do it a more subtle way...
Me : "Ugh.. I just had a horrible day.."
Friend : "Dude, MY day was worse. My teacher failed me on my test, gave me 100 pages of homework to read, and I have a paper due tomorrow.." Then they go on and on about it.
Sometimes, I just want a little acknowledgment.. like "Hey, that sucks.. hope things get better for you." That might be too much to ask though. It's impossible to control people. I guess that's part of my frustration and bitterness. A lot of times I think, "People don't care about you. They just want to use you to get what they want. It's better to be alone.." Is it really better to be alone though? After many nights by myself, I find that I do miss companionship.
----------------
^_^; But oh well. For now, I can get by. I'm getting a bit tired of my feelings, and sometimes I wish I could throw them away. As long as I can laugh at myself, I'll be fine.
