(no subject)

Quitting the dance team...

This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. Tuesday night was supposed to be tryout night for current team members only. However, we ran out of time learning the routine he wanted us to perform, and now we will perform tonight instead... in front of the normal audition with the NEW people who want to try out for the team.

My dilemma is that I'm still agonizing over whether I should continue dancing or not. On Tuesday, I forgot the one thing that I loved about dancing, and that it's fun. Plain and simple. As our instructor was teaching us the routine (jazz dancing to RESPECT), I remembered how exciting it was to learn something new and be able to perform it. I know if I stop dancing, it'll be as if there's a hole in my life..

The reason I want to stop dancing is because it wears me out, both physically and mentally. Ever since I started dancing again, I've been feeling the need to skip class so I can relax. I'm also not much of a good dancer. I can never get the good form and technique that's required. I figure he keeps me around because he thinks I'm a hard and determined worker. I always show up for practice, and I'm never late... which is completely opposite of some of the team members. Maybe that's my only saving grace.

I've found my problem.. which is that I can get too committed. I hate letting anyone down, so I always try to do my best in anything. The bad thing is that I don't know when to stop... especially when it's best for myself to let go. It was the problem in my past relationship. Even after one year after it was over. I was still committed in my heart.

Either way.. I have to be strong.. whether it is to quit or to keep going. Once I make my decision, it's final... with no turning back.

Goodbye to Dancing

I'm now officially out of the dance team. I feel very sad about it.. like I left behind a part of myself. I practiced one last time with the team tonight.. and then I told my instructor that I would be leaving. He told me it was a real pleasure having me on the team.. that I was a stalwart person who was always on time. Everybody else said.. "awww" and tried to convince me not to quit. It was strange hearing everyone say goodbye (I never thought they cared too much).

Now that part of my life is over. The dance team was such a big part of my life for awhile.. it was as much a part of me as I was of it. This was a hard decision to make... and it hurts a little..

I waved goodbye to my friends.. and walked out the door. As I walked away from the music into the night, I wondered to myself whether this was the right path for me to take. I have a feeling I'll always wonder what it would be like if I had stayed.. but at the same time, I feel like I would also regret it if I hadn't left.

It takes strength to say goodbye and to let go... and to move on.
I shouldn't agonize over it, but for tonight.. I'll shed a tear inside my heart.