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Dec. 21st, 2015 11:38 pmI've been wondering to myself a lot lately whether I want to start dating or not. My life is working out okay for once, and I figure that maybe it's time I try stepping out of my shell and meet other people.
The problem with this is that just thinking about it exhausts me. I don't really have the urge to actively meet new people. I've been to a few meetup groups but I never felt interested enough to connect with anyone. The more I go out to meet people and not connect, the more I feel inclined to just stay at home and keep to myself. I meet people just by living my life and doing the things I do, and I guess that's good enough for me for now.
A part of me wishes that I could just fast forward through everything and get to the part of the relationship where it's comfortable enough to commit to. That's just cheating though, and I wouldn't be able to call it a real relationship if that happened. However I can't deny the fact that I want that comfortable loving stability in my life, but I can't bring myself to do the work of dating to achieve it. There's also the question of whether being in a good relationship would bring that sort of fulfillment, but that's a question for another time.
It sucks because I always manage to convince myself that dating is not for me and that I'm happy being single. There's also that overwhelming fear that I may never meet someone who would love me as much as I love them. Or vise versa. It's so much easier convincing myself that I'm better off alone than dealing with that thought. That maybe I'm just unlovable, or that maybe I just have too high expectations for the other person.
Having those thoughts makes me think I'm not ready to date yet, but I suppose what person hasn't had those thoughts before? And there's also the fact that dating doesn't have to be work, it can be fun.
Regardless of all this though, I feel like I'm open enough in my life right now to accept a relationship if it ever came my way. I'm not ready to go out and actively "hunt" for people, but that's good enough for now.
Just being open to possibilities is a good stepping stone. That's funny to admit because it seems like such a simple idea, but it did take me a long time to get here.
The problem with this is that just thinking about it exhausts me. I don't really have the urge to actively meet new people. I've been to a few meetup groups but I never felt interested enough to connect with anyone. The more I go out to meet people and not connect, the more I feel inclined to just stay at home and keep to myself. I meet people just by living my life and doing the things I do, and I guess that's good enough for me for now.
A part of me wishes that I could just fast forward through everything and get to the part of the relationship where it's comfortable enough to commit to. That's just cheating though, and I wouldn't be able to call it a real relationship if that happened. However I can't deny the fact that I want that comfortable loving stability in my life, but I can't bring myself to do the work of dating to achieve it. There's also the question of whether being in a good relationship would bring that sort of fulfillment, but that's a question for another time.
It sucks because I always manage to convince myself that dating is not for me and that I'm happy being single. There's also that overwhelming fear that I may never meet someone who would love me as much as I love them. Or vise versa. It's so much easier convincing myself that I'm better off alone than dealing with that thought. That maybe I'm just unlovable, or that maybe I just have too high expectations for the other person.
Having those thoughts makes me think I'm not ready to date yet, but I suppose what person hasn't had those thoughts before? And there's also the fact that dating doesn't have to be work, it can be fun.
Regardless of all this though, I feel like I'm open enough in my life right now to accept a relationship if it ever came my way. I'm not ready to go out and actively "hunt" for people, but that's good enough for now.
Just being open to possibilities is a good stepping stone. That's funny to admit because it seems like such a simple idea, but it did take me a long time to get here.
