LJ Confessional

Ever since A left New York last summer, I've gone through a lot of soul-searching. I never really grasped why I was always so motivated when I was around her. When she left, my motivation fell apart and I felt lost in my life once again. Many of the friends I made during the past few years moved back home, and I was left alone. There was nobody left to grab lunch or sing karaoke with. I found myself back to my default setting.

I can't say I was completely alone. My friends all tried to contact me in some way. Email, phone, text messages... but I avoided them all. I don't know why I did it, I could list all the psychological motivations behind it but that doesn't seem important to me. The fact is that I did what I did. Over time, it just felt harder to respond to any of them, and I realized that I had pushed them all away from my life.

I guess to me, it's hard maintaining relationships. I dislike obligatory updates to my life to everyone. "Hey, what are you doing now? Are you okay?" I would always lie.

Yes, I'm doing okay. I'm doing exciting new things that matter to me (No, not really). Relationship status: It's complicated. #liferocks

I'm just tired, I guess. I was finally able to make some close friends, only to have them all move away. New York City. Everyone is just a visitor here.