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I had a dream last night about my grandfather who passed away several years ago. I was at my aunt's old house where my grandparents used to live, and I wandered into his room. I knew my grandfather had passed away already, but for some reason, as soon as I entered his room, I knew his presence was there.
I started talking. "Hello Papa," I said, and he responded back with affirmation. I have a hard time remembering his exact words, but I could remember how distinct his voice was. It was different, but I knew it was him... kind of like that when you hear your own voice played back to you. You know it's your own voice, but it's different than what you're used to.
I wasn't surprised when I heard his voice, but rather I felt reassured knowing that it was my grandfather. "Are you okay?" I asked, and he said that he was, in his usual brief way of speaking. At that moment, I was transformed into a little child again, like when I used to wander into his room and play with his things just so I could be around his presence. It was that same feeling, that curiousity, that love I used to feel. "Did you know that Mama died?" I asked him, regarding the recent death of my grandmother. With that he said nothing, but his silence wasn't ominous. I knew in my heart that she was there with him, but he just couldn't say anything about it for whatever reason.
I went to lay in his bed like I used to, sort of basking in his presence, thinking about all the things I wanted to tell him and ask him about. What surprised me was that as soon as these questions came to mind, they seemed trivial and unnecessary. The important thing was that he was there with my grandmother, and that they were ok.
"I'm going to get auntie, okay?" I ran off to call my aunt, telling her that my grandfather was around, and she came back delighted and eager to talk with him. For some reason though, she had to use the telephone so she could speak directly with him, and she had many more things to say than I did.
I was feeling bored waiting around for my aunt to finish talking, so I told my grandfather that I would be going. "I'll see you again, okay?" I smiled, knowing that he was alright, and knowing that my grandparents would always be there, even if I couldn't directly talk to them. I ran out of the room and off into a dark corridor, transforming back into an adult, and fading back into a world of dreamless sleep.
This morning, I couldn't remember that I had this dream. It was only when I thought about my grandmother that I suddenly recalled all of this.
I don't know if this was just some fabrication of the mind to help me cope, or a message to me from my grandfather through my dreams, or maybe it was just that, a simple a dream. Regardless of the reason why I had this dream, I feel a little better this morning knowing that my grandparents are resting peacefully. It's still really hard to accept that they're gone sometimes, but... maybe that's all just a part of being able to move on.
I started talking. "Hello Papa," I said, and he responded back with affirmation. I have a hard time remembering his exact words, but I could remember how distinct his voice was. It was different, but I knew it was him... kind of like that when you hear your own voice played back to you. You know it's your own voice, but it's different than what you're used to.
I wasn't surprised when I heard his voice, but rather I felt reassured knowing that it was my grandfather. "Are you okay?" I asked, and he said that he was, in his usual brief way of speaking. At that moment, I was transformed into a little child again, like when I used to wander into his room and play with his things just so I could be around his presence. It was that same feeling, that curiousity, that love I used to feel. "Did you know that Mama died?" I asked him, regarding the recent death of my grandmother. With that he said nothing, but his silence wasn't ominous. I knew in my heart that she was there with him, but he just couldn't say anything about it for whatever reason.
I went to lay in his bed like I used to, sort of basking in his presence, thinking about all the things I wanted to tell him and ask him about. What surprised me was that as soon as these questions came to mind, they seemed trivial and unnecessary. The important thing was that he was there with my grandmother, and that they were ok.
"I'm going to get auntie, okay?" I ran off to call my aunt, telling her that my grandfather was around, and she came back delighted and eager to talk with him. For some reason though, she had to use the telephone so she could speak directly with him, and she had many more things to say than I did.
I was feeling bored waiting around for my aunt to finish talking, so I told my grandfather that I would be going. "I'll see you again, okay?" I smiled, knowing that he was alright, and knowing that my grandparents would always be there, even if I couldn't directly talk to them. I ran out of the room and off into a dark corridor, transforming back into an adult, and fading back into a world of dreamless sleep.
This morning, I couldn't remember that I had this dream. It was only when I thought about my grandmother that I suddenly recalled all of this.
I don't know if this was just some fabrication of the mind to help me cope, or a message to me from my grandfather through my dreams, or maybe it was just that, a simple a dream. Regardless of the reason why I had this dream, I feel a little better this morning knowing that my grandparents are resting peacefully. It's still really hard to accept that they're gone sometimes, but... maybe that's all just a part of being able to move on.
