On being a child and growing up

Back in college, I had one class on a quaint hill overlooking the valley below. I would have to climb the stairs through a small wooded area before I could get to my classroom. The area up on that hill was fairly isolated from the rest of campus, so I used to take naps under the shade of an awning while waiting for my class to begin. This was one of my favorite areas on campus because it was quiet, and it had a nice cool breeze that would always be flowing, even on the warmest of days. As I stared out at the scenery, I liked to imagine that beyond the hills in the distance was an expansive ocean, and beyond that, a world of endless adventure. I was a kid again during those moments, feeling the wonder and curiosity of what it would be like to travel beyond limits. I allowed myself to get lost in make-believe journeys that carried me away to distant lands. The naps I had on that hill held the most amazing of dreams.

The thing I miss most about being a child is that sense of wonder. As an adult, I stop wondering what lies beyond those hills because I already know the truth. I stop wondering if there are any boogie-men in my closet, I stop getting excited when a new movie trailer comes out, I stop learning to believe in promises that seem too amazing for their own good. There's a realistic part in me, which also feels like a really cynical part, because it tells me to stop believing in these things.

It seems that with age and experience, at least for me, comes a knowledge and certainty that takes away the wonder I once felt. Even though I'm supposed to be grown up now, there's still the inner child within me that I've never let go of. There's still a part of me that wants to believe in the boogie-men, in magic, and in castles in the sky. Sometimes I wonder if that child is the real me, and the person I am now is just what I'm imagining myself to be like after I had grown up. Either way, they're real aspects of myself that I can't deny... this need to be grounded and realistic, and this never ending want to believe. Consoling these two ideas just seems like another part in the journey of growing up..