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Personality Changes Revisted..
Jul. 17th, 2009 08:41 pmIt's a little weird noticing personality changes in myself. I used to be fairly emotional, but now I'm a bit calmer and more rational. The downside to this is that I'm not much of a poetic writer anymore. I've lost the ability to write with my full feelings as I once did.
I looked at my old LJ, and I couldn't help but laugh at myself. "Emotional" is an understatement. It was easy for me back then to be swept up in the moment. I cried and screamed way too many times. I believed in romantic thoughts that were too idealistic to be practical. I guess that was my saving grace though.
Now I'm a bit more analytical rather than emotional. It was easier to make friends when I was more emotional though. Back then, I could connect to people through feelings. Now, I very rarely share my feelings with people. I tuck them away deep inside, which leaves me a little isolated from the rest of the world.
Why did my personality change? Well, after the end to my relationship nearly 5 years ago, I started to see my feelings as a weakness in myself. I let my feelings take control and overwhelm me. Things like loneliness, depression, and sadness I could feel strongly. On the flip side though, feelings such as happiness and joy were wonderful. I could easily write pages upon pages on these feelings. I felt like I had no control over them though, so I made an effort to limit myself.
In doing so, I became who I am now. I ignored my feelings and focused on the things I needed to do.
I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. As with every change in life, there are gains and losses. In doing this, I lost the part I loved best about myself back then... my ability to be open to feelings. In return, I gained a more mature perspective at looking at things.
I know I've written about this stuff before... but I guess I'm still surprised by my change. The world used to seem poetic to me... but now it just seems so realistic. I don't see the magic I once did, and that makes me feel a bit sad.
Gah! Enough with these sad, contemplative posts. I'm afraid tomorrow won't be happy either. My best friend is leaving for the navy on monday, so tomorrow will be the last time I get to hang out with him for the next 4 years.
I looked at my old LJ, and I couldn't help but laugh at myself. "Emotional" is an understatement. It was easy for me back then to be swept up in the moment. I cried and screamed way too many times. I believed in romantic thoughts that were too idealistic to be practical. I guess that was my saving grace though.
Now I'm a bit more analytical rather than emotional. It was easier to make friends when I was more emotional though. Back then, I could connect to people through feelings. Now, I very rarely share my feelings with people. I tuck them away deep inside, which leaves me a little isolated from the rest of the world.
Why did my personality change? Well, after the end to my relationship nearly 5 years ago, I started to see my feelings as a weakness in myself. I let my feelings take control and overwhelm me. Things like loneliness, depression, and sadness I could feel strongly. On the flip side though, feelings such as happiness and joy were wonderful. I could easily write pages upon pages on these feelings. I felt like I had no control over them though, so I made an effort to limit myself.
In doing so, I became who I am now. I ignored my feelings and focused on the things I needed to do.
I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. As with every change in life, there are gains and losses. In doing this, I lost the part I loved best about myself back then... my ability to be open to feelings. In return, I gained a more mature perspective at looking at things.
I know I've written about this stuff before... but I guess I'm still surprised by my change. The world used to seem poetic to me... but now it just seems so realistic. I don't see the magic I once did, and that makes me feel a bit sad.
Gah! Enough with these sad, contemplative posts. I'm afraid tomorrow won't be happy either. My best friend is leaving for the navy on monday, so tomorrow will be the last time I get to hang out with him for the next 4 years.
