(no subject)

I'm surprised a girl had fallen for me. An ENTP. She said she liked me. She told me she thinks that I'm so cool and collected.. She said that I'm always there to give her advice whenever she's feeling down. It seems weird to write this right now. I had come to see myself as someone who couldn't be loved, as someone who was cold and distant... When she told me this, it felt as though time had frozen and everything around us had disppeared.. I didn't have any feelings for her, but at the time, I think I felt my heart move in a way I haven't felt in a long time.

I told her that I wasn't what she thought I was. I told her I wasn't really cool or collected. I was still a guy confused about so many things in life. "You shouldn't like someone like me. I'm really not much." And then she told me, "Don't say things like that. You're much greater than you think you are."

I've been replaying the scene in my mind a lot. It still feels unreal. I felt terrible telling her I didn't feel the same way.. but she took it well, as if nothing big had just happened.

It makes me question what I'm doing...
Why do I keep myself at a distance from everyone?
Why do I have so many secrets...
I can't trust myself to open up to people. Once you open up, you get hurt.
But then again, once you open up... you're allowing yourself to be able to love and be loved..

Hmm, I've learned that by keeping myself busy, I don't spend my time lost in thought as much. However, when I find myself in the solitude at night.. thoughts and doubts come back to haunt me.
Never-ending thoughts and doubts...