Apr. 30th, 2016

On writing

Apr. 30th, 2016 09:54 pm
second_flight: (Default)
It's hard for me to write these days. I have a hard time organizing my thoughts into coherent formats, not so much in the way that I can't think of ideas to write about, but rather, I get stuck in the thought process of organizing those ideas.

I've gotten so used to writing papers that I automatically go into the mindset where I need to make sure every sentence is referenced and is important to the overall structure. I get so caught up in making sure each idea flows properly to the next idea, that I may not even write about something if I feel I don't have enough proper knowledge to back it up.

This is frustrating when trying to write about anything, because I feel as if I never have enough knowledge. Opinions are easier to write, but I still get stuck a lot when I feel like I need to prove my point. The easiest thing to write about is my day, what happened to me, what I felt/saw,etc.. Basically, the easiest thing to write about is me, because I know me.

I guess this would be ok, but I never feel interested enough to write about myself or my daily experiences these days. I used to voraciously write down these things before, like I felt I had to document my life (and every thought/ideaI had) in case I ever wanted to look back on it, but now I simply feel like I won't ever do that. Once I write something, it's done and I will move on to the next thing.

I guess that's one of the things about me that's changed. I'm more forward focused, and I'm not as inwardly-looking and self-searching as before. I suppose this changes the way I approach writing.

I feel like everything I write has to be innately purposeful to me. Or maybe I just like hearing the rhythm of the sentence in my mind when I'm trying to figure out what to write next. I honestly don't know why I want to come back here again, but I always instinctively come back here when I'm doing some soul-searching.

There's also just something about writing that I miss, and I'm here to find it again.

Whenever I'm here on LJ, I still feel the spirit of my old self, a lonely boy searching for meaning in the world. I can't call myself a boy anymore, but I feel like I can't very well call myself a man who's entirely comfortable in his own world either.

In any case, I'm going to try to write more when I can, and let myself be open to writing incoherent thoughts and ideas again. This isn't a university paper, and I have nothing to prove on here.

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