Apr. 26th, 2016

second_flight: (Kino)
Freedom. Whenever I hear that word mentioned here in the US, I can't help but imagine everyone around me holding their head up high in a spirit of proud patriotism, ready to shout "MURICA."

It's funny because it's something so easily taken for granted here. It's hard for me to say what freedom is because I've never really lived without it. I have freedom to take the bus when I want,the freedom to choose what I want to eat, I have the freedom to go to work. These are things I do every day without thinking twice about. I guess that's why it's so hard for me to imagine a world where these things aren't a choice, and it makes me feel spoiled. I'm not about to commit myself to slavery just so I can experience a world without freedom though.

What bothers me about this idea of freedom in America is that it seems that many people confuse the difference between a right and a privilege. In honesty though, it can get kinda confusing. It leads to this extreme sense of entitlement that many people have, when people start thinking they have a right to everything they do. I see it everyday when I walk around New York.

I find that sense of entitlement scary. For many, it's empowering to feel, but I think it needs to come with personal accountability. I don't know if that's something that I could expect from anyone.

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On another note, all the friends I've made in New York have gone back home or have moved to other states. I figured this would happen eventually, but it leaves me feeling lonely again. I don't really have a real life social outlet anymore. All my friendships are online.

My job is going well. I'm getting good reviews and people are happy with me. I feel like I could become supervisor or director if I wanted to in time, but I'm not really interested in those positions. I need to figure out what my next step should be.

I think I'm feeling my age in a way. My friends are starting to feel aches and pains in their bodies but I'm still ok luckily. I mean I'm feeling my age in the way that I "should be at a certain point in life." I feel like I should have accomplished much more by now, and that feeling is nagging away at me. I'm sure a lot of people get this feeling too.

I miss writing like I used to. Back then, whenever I wrote, I felt like I was chasing this elusive thought. Like if I could capture the essence of what I was thinking and put it down into concrete words, I would feel somehow... complete? But then I would wake up the next day, remember what I wrote the night before and think to myself..."Ugh, why did I write that?"

Ok. I'm going to try this journaling thing again.
second_flight: (Default)
Almost fell asleep in class today. I was nodding off, and I was fighting to stay awake. Fun. This almost never happens to me... I don't know why I was so tired today.

The semester is almost over. What I hate about this job is that I don't get a vacation. Right after the final exam, I just have to keep on going.

At least once things calm down, I can spend a little time planning for the future a bit.

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